The Turn of the Screw, rewriting the essay with detailed instructions in description

How can I retrace today the strange steps of my obsession? There were times of our being together when I would have been ready to swear that . . . they had visitors who were known and were welcome.
Henry James, “The Turn of the Screw”

Great writers are keen psychologists. In a concise, detailed essay, referring to James’s “The Turn of the Screw,” answer the following question:

In what ways does the governess’s encounters with the ghosts suggest her own desires, doubts, and fears?

Some suggestions:

1. Before beginning, decide how you will interpret the essay question’s key terms. Which of the ghost sightings seem most important? What are the governess’s responses to these sightings, and what is peculiar or noteworthy about them? Does her attitude or response toward the ghosts change? Does she become more forthright or timid, angry or terrified? In what ways do those responses relate to her attitudes toward other characters or situations in the text—to the uncle in Harley Street, for example; to her background at the parsonage; to the children themselves? Do her responses to the ghosts reflect doubts or conflicts in other areas of her life? Use the answers to these questions to help you formulate a clear thesis statement.

2. Cite accurately and economically, following all rules for citation outlined in the first essay assignment. Make sure to cover a wide range of examples from many regions of the text.

3. Try to avoid major grammatical errors: comma splices, fragments, fused sentences, and agreement errors.

So I wrote the essay following these instructions ^^ and attached the essay I wrote, however I got this feedback back, and I need someone to rewrite it regarding this feedback down below

You touch on some useful points. There is much left to do:

Here are examples of comma splices in your essay:
Her attitude at the beginning seemed to be fearful and confused because she did not know this man, however, it got intense and crazy going forward in the story.
Miles was just a ten-year-old kid that did not go to school due to being expelled for an odd reason, however, the governess took care of him at the uncle’s house.

That feeling begins to mount that anxiety from her safety as she learns more about Peter Quint, other feelings are added then to that fear,

The first ghost sighting was the one with Peter Quinn, the governess was very confused and scared when she first saw him

The inner motivation the governess had going forward seeing the ghost of Peter Quinn was a sexual attraction, however, she ignores it at first.

This time she thought that Flora saw it as well, it turns out she seemed a little psycho to her and then breaks down.

Here is a fragment:
Let alone, she had to take care of Miles, a ten-year-old kid that got expelled from school for some odd reason

Here are examples of fused sentences:
The governess had angry suspicions about everything she was doing and that’s when her attitude and response started to change toward the ghosts she saw.

the governess was just not a fit for the job she took upon from her uncle and that ended up with her being distracted

Can you express these observations more concisely?
The governess did not know what was best for her a lot of the times throughout the story, and that resulted in her strangling and killing Miles, a ten-year-old boy, from going insane seeing ghosts.
She feared sex and doubted her ability to manage by

She’s freaked out after she sees needs to be done,

The uncle was also not supportive whatsoever and did not want to be involved in any of her problems or help her with anything, so she had no support system whatsoever experiencing the hardship and trauma she did throughout the story. That started to change her in becoming more mature and responsible.

In the story, it was established that Quint was not a good influence on Miles whatsoever.

The uncle was also not supportive whatsoever

According to Mrs. Grose, Peter Quint was known to be a troubled young man that took advantage of people and got away with the bad things he did using his charm and “had a way of getting away with it”.

The sexual attraction towards the bachelor started to become an everyday fantasy for the governor.

That feeling begins to mount that anxiety from her safety as she learns more about Peter Quint, other feelings are added then to that fear, when she recognizes him as a criminal, rapist, demon, and sinner

Everything that she was raised not to be, this guy was.

Over time, she started to become angrier rather than terrified and timid where she was in the beginning.

the governess was just not a fit for the job she took upon from her uncle and that ended up with her being distracted with anxieties and not accomplishing what needed to be done

she started to become more afraid of being involved in a sexually mature relationship instead of learning something new and bursting the bubble she was in.

This time she thought that Flora saw it as well, it turns out she seemed a little psycho to her and then breaks down.

The last important ghost sighting ruined the relationship between the Governess and Flora, was when the governess Flora telling her she sees Miss Jessel across the water
The Governess fear of the ghosts “harming” the children was just her fears of the kids she took care of to become like the ghosts.
Turn of the Screw has this twist at the end of the story that leaves the reader wondering and interoperating in different ways with not a solid ending.

You might also pay greater attention to details. Is it true that the governess moved in with the uncle? Is Bly a palace or a mansion? Try, too, to include direct citations.

The main source and only source that should be used is the book and quotations and citations from the book